By: Willie Stroker
Willie Stroker: Yahoo ColumnistWeek 5 was most certainly a hectic week for the All Pro Fantasy Football League. The week didn't exclude me either, as I wasn't even able to publish the rest of the week's rivalries. I had a lot on my plate this past week. My activity this last few days included a trip with Mark Cuban in the Gulf fishing Bonita, a trip back home to Wisconsin for an all important divorce court date with my Jezebel ex-wife, and the National Little Person Convention down in Tulsa on Thursday. So all in all, I'll make up for it with a good ole' Rivalry Review!
Week 5 of All Pro was the first week of variety withing the 5 games played. There was huge blowouts, games coming down to the wire, and plenty of trash talking. Week 5 of football also saw the same collection in its games. We saw ridiculous blowouts such as the Giants over the struggling Oakland Raiders (44-7), one of the worst games in football history, and yes I'm talking about Cleveland v.s. Buffalo (6-3), Overtime games like New England going down to Denver as well as Dallas pulling off a W v.s. a win-less Kansas City team, then came MNF battle with the Jets losing in the final seconds to Ronnie Brown and the Dolphins.
RIVALRY GAME OF THE WEEK
The Birth of A New Rivalry:
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Flashback to the end of August, 2009: Longtime Jimmasters drop out of All Pro due to a longtime battle with a certain ghost of past All Pro teams, as well as many other addictions. Rivalry week originally consisted of Josh and his Godzillas battling Jimmy's Dad, the Jimmasters, and oh Jimmy too. Enter Andre Spanarkel, and yes, all of the 'glory' that came with the name, stepping into a rivalry that wasn't a rivalry at all, yet. In their very first meeting, the fire was ignited and seeing Josh as the fierce competitor he is, it doesn't seem that the fire will go out anytime soon. I recently got some words from Josh regarding the loss in a very close battle and asked him what he thought of this newborn feud, to which he replied, "I take no prisoners, I am no prisoner." Those were the only 8 words I got out of him in my conference call with the man they call the "Beast From The East" [Eastern Hemisphere that is]. Mr. Spanarkel was not available for comment, as he was busy with jury duty...in a beauty contest.
The game of the week went down to the wire, a wire that left only 6 seconds of hope for the Godzillas. This was of course after a 2 yard touchdown run by Ronnie Brown, that took a good portion of points away from the Jets Defense and the Godzillas, which resulted in the loss of the Godzillas lead as well. Yet whether anybody knew it or not, the Godzilas were still alive, even with 6 minuscule seconds left on the clock. The Jets Defense/Special Teams sat at 137 return yards as they awaited a Miami kickoff. Needing only 13 yards for a 3 point bonus and the lead; there was no doubt that the Jets' returner would run back for at least a puny 13 yards. Yet the Dolphin's kicker had other plans, squibbing the kick and forcing the Jets to sit on the ball, gaining no return yards. Thus holding Spanarkel's one point lead for his 4th win of the season and giving the Godzillas' their 4th loss.
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A game of the unbeaten [if we don't count the interaction between Gabe and his mother] took place in this week of rivalries. 4-0 Crotch Waffles of the Less Filling Division took on the Great Taste division leader, in the 4-0 Elastic Warriors. Someone had to lose and that is what happened as predicted, someone lost. That loser was trash talkin' Catena and the Elastic Warriors. Catena was beaten 'badly', but did not get the worst of this week. I have heard from sources that Gabe, actually was beaten worse this week [even in his win] by his mother for not taking out the trash Sunday night.
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The ALLIANCE took care of business as Anthony of the team had claimed they would. They pushed the all-time series a game further in their favor over the Chinese Eggrolls, and in the win gave Kevin his 16th straight All Pro loss. This is by far the worst streak in the history of All Pro and probably all of fantasy football.
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The most inconsistent Dr. Acula took down an even more inconsistent G-Job this week. Although the win wouldn't push Mr. PJ any further in the standings, seeing that the rest of the division were all winners, with the exception of the Catena. So now Gary's smack talk is only half-right after 5 weeks of football. He was at work at the draft, yet his team doing work? Eh, not so much.
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In a 2008 Championship rematch, nothing had changed come the 2009 battle. Dave asked Phil if he had remembered what happened in last year's game, and yes Phil did indeed refresh every one's memory. The Mullet Mafia took this one very early on with 1st quarter heroics from Ahmad Bradshaw. Dave is now in the thick of things with the rest of the league after starting off 0-2. Now with Donovan McNabb and Wes Welker healthy again, who knows what the Mullet Mafia could be capable of.
I AM THE #1 WILLIE STROKER!
Willie Stoker is Yahoo! Sports' national columnist. Send Willie an email at Willie1Stroker@yahoo.com
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