Week 6 Preview

Retirement and Pain: When A Heartache Won't Heal
By: Willie Stroker Willie Stroker: Yahoo Columnist

There comes a time in one's career when you just can't do it anymore. No matter how much effort, practice, brainstorming, and time you put in; things just seem to not go your way anymore. For some, however, this feeling would not even be a thought in their mind, considering they never had a winning season in their fantasy football lives [i.e. Catena, PJ, etc.]. Does this feeling evoke someone to just want to quit and give up forever? According to some All Pro contenders, the answer is: maybe.

Just for the record, PJ will not be reviewed, previewed, or anything of any sort for reasons of constant annoyingness and un-comprehension of the words Fuck You.

Anyone who plays fantasy football in any way, shape or form, strives for one goal and one goal only. They want a championship, so that they can brag and annoy anyone and everyone else involved of how they kicked ass and took names last year with this sleeper pick and that key pickup, etc. Yet only a few will ever attain this feat and be able to stand tall at the top of the mountain, for others although, there caught at the bottom licking their wounds.

Since the start of All Pro, no one has lost as much as a certain team currently. In the inaugural All Pro Season [2004] Kevin and the Chinese Eggrolls started the season at a hefty 0-5 record. Yet bearing all emotional abuse form his All Pro colleagues, Kevin would go on to run off 5 wins in a row, launching him into the second to last spot in the playoffs. The playoffs was where he would get hot winning two more in a row, only to fall to Nicky Coiro and the "Penguins."

Can Kevin pull off another comeback season and make the playoffs? Maybe a more important question: Can Kevin win a game after going down 16 straight games in All Pro? Speaking of winning, Kevin's week 6 opponent is a struggling Josh and company. Let's go over Josh's season so far, in reverse order.

- Josh goes down to Sparky and his Glory by one point on the last play of the game in MNF's Jets v.s. Dolphins, thanks to Ronnie Brown scoring against Josh's Jet Defense with 6 seconds remaining. Josh is found by his mother hiding under his bed, refusing to go to school and refusing to come to dinner.
- Josh defeats another struggler, in Phil and the Romosapiens. Josh as well as everyone else feel he has turned the corner at this point, he has returned to his winning ways, or has he?
-Josh loses his 3rd game straight to open the season. Josh starts panicking, starts eating more within the course of the day. Also takes up smoking Newport Cigarettes very frequently to deal with the pressure laid upon him from fantasy football.
-Josh loses to Gabe, in a well fought battle. Josh knows, or think he knows that it's no big deal, considering he's started 0-2 a few seasons in his career.
-Josh goes down in the opener to Catena. Josh, extremely embarrassed, tries to cope with the defeat by talking shit and making excuses.
-Draft Day: Josh drafts Steven Jackson, as well as a plethora of Tight Ends for no apparent reason. He tells everyone, and i quote, "You'll see, you'll all see."
- Josh goes into the season prepared and ready for any and all comers.

The downward spiral for Josh is one of momentous proportions, considering his past success in this league. That is the reasoning behind his recent cigarette infested madness, he claims to retire if he is Kevin's first win in 17 weeks. Retirement is a word storming in and out of All Pro combatants' mouths in recent posts. Phil also claims to retire if he goes down to the G-Job 187 this week, in fact he was the author of the original retirement threat.

Week 1 was an eye opener for Phil, going down by 40 plus points to the G-Job. Although at that point no one else saw it, but this would be Gary's only win in 5 weeks, going down 4 times, terribly i may add, in the following four weeks.

Week 6 has some major ramifications on the future of All Pro Fantasy Football. Will Kevin finally win? Or will he go down as the best loser of all time [Best because its fun to watch him lose and flip out on society]? Will Josh get another shot at redemption? Or Will his cigarette infested addiction continue? Will Phil go down on the "B-Job" for a second time this year? Or will he fall into a group of All Time All Pro losers with the likes of Mike Catena, Joey Catena, Mike Guiliano, Matt P., and Mike Morrone? Will Dave ever find Waldo? All these questions will be answered come Sunday, yet for some teams in this league, Sunday can most certainly wait.


I AM THE #1 WILLIE STROKER!

Willie Stoker is Yahoo! Sports' national columnist. Send Willie an email at Willie1Stroker@yahoo.com

Week 5 In Review

THE RIVALRY REVIEW
By: Willie Stroker Willie Stroker: Yahoo Columnist

Week 5 was most certainly a hectic week for the All Pro Fantasy Football League. The week didn't exclude me either, as I wasn't even able to publish the rest of the week's rivalries. I had a lot on my plate this past week. My activity this last few days included a trip with Mark Cuban in the Gulf fishing Bonita, a trip back home to Wisconsin for an all important divorce court date with my Jezebel ex-wife, and the National Little Person Convention down in Tulsa on Thursday. So all in all, I'll make up for it with a good ole' Rivalry Review!

Week 5 of All Pro was the first week of variety withing the 5 games played. There was huge blowouts, games coming down to the wire, and plenty of trash talking. Week 5 of football also saw the same collection in its games. We saw ridiculous blowouts such as the Giants over the struggling Oakland Raiders (44-7), one of the worst games in football history, and yes I'm talking about Cleveland v.s. Buffalo (6-3), Overtime games like New England going down to Denver as well as Dallas pulling off a W v.s. a win-less Kansas City team, then came MNF battle with the Jets losing in the final seconds to Ronnie Brown and the Dolphins.

RIVALRY GAME OF THE WEEK
The Birth of A New Rivalry:

Spanarkel's Glory	80	Final
godzillas	79

Flashback to the end of August, 2009: Longtime Jimmasters drop out of All Pro due to a longtime battle with a certain ghost of past All Pro teams, as well as many other addictions. Rivalry week originally consisted of Josh and his Godzillas battling Jimmy's Dad, the Jimmasters, and oh Jimmy too. Enter Andre Spanarkel, and yes, all of the 'glory' that came with the name, stepping into a rivalry that wasn't a rivalry at all, yet. In their very first meeting, the fire was ignited and seeing Josh as the fierce competitor he is, it doesn't seem that the fire will go out anytime soon. I recently got some words from Josh regarding the loss in a very close battle and asked him what he thought of this newborn feud, to which he replied, "I take no prisoners, I am no prisoner." Those were the only 8 words I got out of him in my conference call with the man they call the "Beast From The East" [Eastern Hemisphere that is]. Mr. Spanarkel was not available for comment, as he was busy with jury duty...in a beauty contest.

The game of the week went down to the wire, a wire that left only 6 seconds of hope for the Godzillas. This was of course after a 2 yard touchdown run by Ronnie Brown, that took a good portion of points away from the Jets Defense and the Godzillas, which resulted in the loss of the Godzillas lead as well. Yet whether anybody knew it or not, the Godzilas were still alive, even with 6 minuscule seconds left on the clock. The Jets Defense/Special Teams sat at 137 return yards as they awaited a Miami kickoff. Needing only 13 yards for a 3 point bonus and the lead; there was no doubt that the Jets' returner would run back for at least a puny 13 yards. Yet the Dolphin's kicker had other plans, squibbing the kick and forcing the Jets to sit on the ball, gaining no return yards. Thus holding Spanarkel's one point lead for his 4th win of the season and giving the Godzillas' their 4th loss.

Crotch Waffles	139	Final
The Elastic Warriors	97

A game of the unbeaten [if we don't count the interaction between Gabe and his mother] took place in this week of rivalries. 4-0 Crotch Waffles of the Less Filling Division took on the Great Taste division leader, in the 4-0 Elastic Warriors. Someone had to lose and that is what happened as predicted, someone lost. That loser was trash talkin' Catena and the Elastic Warriors. Catena was beaten 'badly', but did not get the worst of this week. I have heard from sources that Gabe, actually was beaten worse this week [even in his win] by his mother for not taking out the trash Sunday night.

The ALLIANCE	169	Final
Chinese Eggrolls.	125

The ALLIANCE took care of business as Anthony of the team had claimed they would. They pushed the all-time series a game further in their favor over the Chinese Eggrolls, and in the win gave Kevin his 16th straight All Pro loss. This is by far the worst streak in the history of All Pro and probably all of fantasy football.

Dr.Acula	138	Final
Gjob 187	98

The most inconsistent Dr. Acula took down an even more inconsistent G-Job this week. Although the win wouldn't push Mr. PJ any further in the standings, seeing that the rest of the division were all winners, with the exception of the Catena. So now Gary's smack talk is only half-right after 5 weeks of football. He was at work at the draft, yet his team doing work? Eh, not so much.

The Romosapiens	102	Final
Mullet Mafia	138

In a 2008 Championship rematch, nothing had changed come the 2009 battle. Dave asked Phil if he had remembered what happened in last year's game, and yes Phil did indeed refresh every one's memory. The Mullet Mafia took this one very early on with 1st quarter heroics from Ahmad Bradshaw. Dave is now in the thick of things with the rest of the league after starting off 0-2. Now with Donovan McNabb and Wes Welker healthy again, who knows what the Mullet Mafia could be capable of.



I AM THE #1 WILLIE STROKER!

Willie Stoker is Yahoo! Sports' national columnist. Send Willie an email at Willie1Stroker@yahoo.com

Week 5: RIVALRY WEEK

RIVALRIES: Can't Beat Em'
By: Willie Stroker Willie Stroker: Yahoo Columnist

Week 4 saw a new rivalry born within an even stronger, older rivalry in football. Brett Favre, now wearing the purple and gold, took down his former Green and Gold, Green Bay Packers. Rivalries like this is what drives us to watch big time games on Sunday and Monday nights like this past week. The same goes for fantasy football and my personal favorite, the All Pro Fantasy League. Week 5 brings on the rivalries, so lets get on to the preview!


The Rivalry of Rivalry Week:

The ALLIANCE	0	Match Up
Chinese Eggrolls.	0

This is a rivalry that hasn't started this week, nor this season, and not even last season. Believe it or not, this rivalry started brewing long before the storied birth of the All Pro Fantasy Football League. This rivalry started before both of these fellows were even a twinkle in their father's eye. Hell, this started even long before Dave was even a twinkle in his mother, and Ant's eye. It's been going on not since the beginning of time, but since simply, the beginning.

Both teams have been going at it since the inaugural All Pro season in 2004. In fact, these two foes squared off in the first official game in All Pro, in week 1 of the 2004 season. The ALLIANCE [featuring only one member at the time] defeated the Eggrolls in that first meeting. Yet Kevin and the Eggrolls would go on to defeat the ALLIANCE two times after that year, including in the semifinals leading Kevin to a 2nd place finish.

The following year, Kevin would take both regular season matchups, yet in another payoff matchup, the ALLIANCE sent the Eggrolls packing in the first round, going on to a 2nd place finish. 2006 saw a career year for the ALLIANCE, going 9-5 in the regualr season gettin the 2 seed. One of those losses came to the Eggrolls once again by a total of 1 point. Later on that year they owuld split the season series, with the ALLIANCE mauling the Eggrolls by over 50. Yet the Eggrolls would see another trip to the championship, only to go down to Josh once again.

In 2007, the two rivals split the season series at 1-1 yet again, both being bounced first round. On the other hand, this past year, the ALLIANCE had Kevin's number. They sat on the Eggrolls, literally, and Ant is a big boy so I can vouch that it really hurt. In turn the Chinese Eggrolls had their worst season ever, coming in last place. This season, Kevin doesn't look to stop where he left off started 2009 at 0-4.

THIS MAKES IT 15 LOSSES IN A ROW FOR KEVIN AND THE CHINESE EGGROLLS.

There is a whole lot riding on this game; Billy's pride, Kevin's courage, Ant's lunch... and the list goes on. Kevin once started 0-5 and made a run at a 2nd place finish, yet another occurrence of this is very unlikely, especially if they go down for their 16th week in a row in All Pro. The All time series is at ALLIANCE 5, Eggrolls 6. The ALLIANCE looks to crush the Eggrolls and write their name in stone in the annals of All Pro time, while the Chinese Eggrolls look to simply just win. It should be a slobber knocker, a barn burner, and all out brawl. Yet who will come out with bragging rights?


COMING VERY SOON: MULLET MAFIA-ROMOSAPIENS.... and all other irvalries this week

I AM THE #1 WILLIE STROKER!

Willie Stoker is Yahoo! Sports' national columnist. Send Willie an email at Willie1Stroker@yahoo.com