Weeks 1&2 Review, Week 3 PreviewBy: Willie Stroker
Willie Stroker: Yahoo ColumnistWow, It's finally here. Are you ready for some football? Back in my young days living on the ole' Wisconsin ice trails all I could think about was that opening week of the greatest sport going; some good ole' fashioned football. It seems like it was yesterday that my father, Sonny Stroker, took me to my first Packers game down at the storied Lambeau field. There was always just something about that Frozen Tundra that would get me so excited! Oh, well I've gone a little off track here, but here we go, off to some fantasy football reviews!
With two weeks in the books, the All Pro Fantasy Football League is looking like two separate leagues within two separate leagues. The Great Taste Conference has come out to a strong start, boasting two undefeated records with only one team without a W.
WEEK 1
GAME OF THE WEEK:
| 136 | Final | |
| 59 |
In a week of sheer blowouts, there was not one game that went down to the wire. Every game was decided early, so why not have the most convincing defeat as the GOTW? As my good friend Anthony Dellavale of the Alliance would say, "We have been roundhouse kickin' people since 2001," and nothing changed in week 1 of the 2009 season. Drew Brees continued where he left off last season posting 50 points on 6 huge TD passes. The ALLIANCE could have won this one with Brees and pretty much any other one player on their team. This 77 point loss was so bad, that Patrick Willis, the defensive player for the ALLIANCE scored more points than any player of the opposition. ALLIANCE gets the thumbs up for a great start, yet the thumbs down most certainly go to Dr. Acula, scoring the least amount of points in All Pro history with a full team in play. Make that several thumbs down....
| 123 | Final | |
| 105 |
The closest game of the week was a little closer than the score shows. This game was pretty close entering the Sunday and Monday night games, considering the Godzillas still had MVP caliber QB Tom Brady set to go, down about twenty points or so. It stayed there until about two minutes left in the 4th quarter of that New England game, yet Josh would still fall a few points short. The Warriors get the thumbs up, and godzillas most definitely down. You can't win every year my dear Asian friend, sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and accept mediocrity.
| 112 | Final | |
| 134 |
You know your in trouble when your kicker scores a fat goose egg, even though his team had two extra point attempts. This could be another year of futility for Kevin and the Eggrolls if he can't pull another miracle run off. The Crotch Waffles on the other hand boast a team full of scoring diversity. With a crafty Minnesota Defense backing the team, Reggie Wayne and Frank Gore (of the 2-0 49er's) are sure to put up big numbers week after week. Thumbs up to the Crotch Waffles, Two thumbs down to the Eggrolls. The Chinese Eggrolls are in a lonely dark place right now.
| 147 | Final | |
| 97 |
Flat out ass beating in this one. Spanarkel ripped off Dave's mullet, pissed on it, then neatly placed it back on his head because he kind of felt bad for him. The Mafia left a lot to be desired in this one, not even breaking the triple digit landmark. The Glory of Andrew Spanarkel made good use of their 8th Round Pick, The Philadelphia defensive unit. Philly's D scored a whopping 49 points, which was pretty much the difference in this one. Thumbs up for Spanarkel, two thumbs down for Dave and the Mullet Mafia. Better luck next time Dave.
| 107 | Final | |
| 153 |
The Gjob not only drafted his team over the phone from work, but would then go on to open a can of whoopass on the Romosapiens. Just another blowout of week 1, except for the fact that the Gjob would score the most points in the league this week. The Gjob almost made it to his team name, 187, yet fell a little short. Phil actually had his own team work against him in more than one way. First off Bironas scored minus points, never helpful, and Phil's own Cowboy stars were the biggest scorers against him. All in all I see this as a insanely good week for Gary, and an off week for The Romosapiens. So in this one, I give thumbs up to both competitors.
Week 2
GAME OF THE WEEK:
Actually scratch that......
BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK:
| 150 | Final | |
| 113 |
Yet another week of blowouts, so I had to have Blowout of the Week for this one. Dr. Acula made a huge turnaround following his piss poor performance in the opener. The Mafia on the other hand, got manhandled like a puny white boy, with a mullet, in the prison showers. The Mullet Mafia most definitely dropped the soap in week 2. And Dr. Acula most definitely had the cure... Dr. Acula was most supported by their star player: Chris Johnson. Johnson went on a tear in week two breaking off 3 amazing plays on his way to 53 fantasy points. The Mafia is digging an early grave while Dr. Acula is on his way out of one.
| 96 | Final | |
| 130 |
This game could be perfectly described by Kevin's smack talk: "SHIT!" After a second week of poor performances by the Chinese Eggroll's players, it looks to be another losing season for Kevin. The Romosapiens on the other hand looked to be what we all expected them to be this week, following an off week in the opener.
| 128 | Final | |
| 93 |
Spanarkel's Glory ran into a brick wall in the form of Drew Brees and the stellar New Orleans Offense. Philadelphia's Defense was torn apart by the potent Saints offense, leaving Spanark's Defense to a worthless 2 points. Without Philly playing to their potential killed his Glory and the Warriors would come out and steal this one. Catena stayed consistent with Jones-Drew and Manning putting up double digits. I look to see both teams bounce back in week 3 with wins.
| 144 | Final | |
| 126 |
Another disappointing week for Josh's Godzillas, while the Crotch Waffles continued to roll scoring very high numbers for the second straight week. Josh wasn't even confident in his team, as he predicted to lose minutes before the first games started. Not a good start for the Godzillas; Waffles off to a phenomenal start.
| 124 | Final | |
| 92 |
The Gjob claimed his team did work, yet the only work he would be doing is screaming moaning as Ant, and only Ant ,of the ALLIANCE Gjobbed him this week. The ALLIANCE put up consistent numbers across the board once again, backed by the only consistent QB in the league Drew Brees, and surprise of the season thus far Fred Jackson. The Gjob on the other hand had his QB, Tony the homo Romo stopped in his tracks by the ALLIANCE's New York Football Giant's Defense. This one was over early, and convincingly early.
WEEK 3 PREVIEW
After two full weeks of football, we have 3 teams boasting undefeated records, as well as 3 teams quietly losing both weeks so far. As for the undefeated teams, I see only one team coming out of week 3 without a scratch and in my best opinion, it will come out of the Crotch Waffle-ALLIANCE game.
This has GOTW written all over it and that is because of the healthy matchups both teams have. The key factors in this one will be the QB's and Defenses. Drew Brees is bound to light up the halfway decent Buffalo secondary, while Eli Manning is coming off his best regular season performance, playing the Buc's of Tampa Bay. Expect this one to be extremely high scoring on both ends of the stick.
My predicted blowout of the week is in the Spanarkel-Eggroll matchup. No one can argue that the Glory of Spanarkel will not put up big numbers with matchups like the Rodgers-Jennings combo traveling to the dome in St. Louis and Philadelphia welcoming 0-2 Kansas City into their home turf.
Upset of the week is going to be the Mullet Mafia pulling one out of his sore ass (from week 2) over the Gjob 187. I expect Trent Edwards to score at least 3 TD's considering he will probably be throwing the ball almost every down against the streaking New Orleans Saints.
I don't see the Romosapiens losing this week either. Sure you can argue the Elastic Warriors have some pretty good matchups going this week, but I see Phil's receivers alone maybe scoring 80 points. With Schaub back to mid-season form I can't see the Romosapiens going down this week.
The Dr.Acula-Godzillas matchup is certainly the most compelling one to keep your eye on. This game is going to make or break both teams. The Godzillas can't start 0-3 and expect to make the playoffs. Its way too big of a mountain to climb. On the other side of the spectrum, Dr.Acula can not lose either. A loss would make them a 1-2 club, but more importantly a 1-2 club walking into a probable ass whoopin' in week 4 facing Spanarkel's Glory.
All in all we got a week of hopefully some close games, and not 5 blowouts. GO PACKERS!
I AM THE #1 WILLIE STROKER!
Willie Stoker is Yahoo! Sports' national columnist. Send Willie an email at Willie1Stroker@yahoo.com
let's go Packers? that sounds like that time i played Billy back to back games and he scored a combined 3 points between the two games and got his ass whoopeddddddd, madden champ my asssssss
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